um, so, yeah

Not exactly the most family beginning to a terrrribly family holiday, I'll admit that. Obviously, we were unable to make it to the t-day party we had been invited to. I didn't even crash until 2 pm, and this was one of those tragically early dinner deals, which honestly I don't even see why people do that.

One thing I need to establish rightfuckingnow: I am not becoming a cokehead. Since I'm not blogging too much these days, it just looks like it. But twice in a month to me is not a huge deal. Not that I'm protesting too much. If anything, I just wanted to eradicate the memories of my last coked-out sexperience. Also, it was a fun opportunity to pick that brain of our wildman Venezuelan neighbor. And it's one of those experiences Jigga and I will be able to hold over the head of Josh.

Things that were terrible: everything being closed, dodging phonecalls, not having any weed to smoke or really anything to do. So, Jigga and I americanized it up and had dindin at Denny's. Not the holiday freakshow I'd been hoping for, honestly, and then I got humiliated in chess. So, all in all, a shitty holiday, especially compared to last year's amazing spread for my euro-loves in France. I'm rather terrified that shit was A YEAR AGO.

In other news, I am resisting the temptation to apply to go back to France next year. Partly so I can just focus on grad school and getting in, partly because I don't feel like doing the application. But partly? Because running away right after college was okay, but I feel like if I did that again, I would just have another excuse to not get my shit together upon returning. And I need to accept my destiny as an American in America and stop giving myself continental airs.

Speaking of grad school, I heaved a sigh of relief that three out of four of my choices have mid-February deadlines. Unfortunately, my absolute number one choice, UT, demands everything at the beginning of January. Ahhhh! Which is kind of a 'fuckfuckfuck!' but also a 'good' since forcing me to get my shit together sooner than later is key.

I just need to stop having this crisis of purpose. I need to stop running around unwilling to do anything and just get a job get an appartment get my own fucking life and find a little writing nook to get something meaningful done. Until then, I need to just use coffee shops and libraries and dirty-ass corners of the appartment and just DO IT. Fuck, I seriously make myself crazy with my ability to excuse and justify inaction out the bloody wazzoo.

Anyway, weekend is now here, and I need to pick up Shout Out Louds tix for me and Jigga / write an opus and beg for approval from professors who may or may not remember me.