fallfallfall

Today was kind of a dream come true. Started off cold and gray...crept towards sunny but still stayed cold and windy. The seemingly permanent green has been slowly leeched away. I woke up earlier than I had planned (always a bit of a shocker) and managed to get away with all my insane feats of procrastination (waiting until the last day to pay my P.O. box, managing to somehow not overdraft my bank account). I've been breaking in my new be-swapped style parka (I swapped a pair of swank white loafers to Jigga for it) and it feels all nice with the fake fur lining the inside. Driving to work, as I crossed the bridge, I was kind of bowled over by light breaking through the gloom over red and yellow trees and the river...it was just kind of amazing. I'm feeling very stoked about the world at large at this very moment.

Like the squillion things going on tonight. Unlike most places I've lived, I would drive myself into a tizzy over missing this or that glorious event. But here, it's just...there's always something awesome going on. And so if I really feel like hitting the town and seeing and being seen and polka dancing on the hearts of the unwary...I can! But I so rarely do, because I'm already so in love with the friends I have, I just want to hang out with them. This could be why I struggle to find a boy worthy of my affections...I am never out in places where cute gay boys go. Perhaps I should revise this policy?

Honestly, though, I'm not too worried about that. Not only is it coming up to be time for me to have sex (it's pretty much an every 3-4 months kind of thing) but...One of my crushes from last spring/summer is back in town and apparently doing one-on-one yoga sessions for 'donations.' Do you accept payments made in...dick? I guess he's kind of a yoga genius though, so if I don't get 'da vibe' I could at least get some sweet yoga for cheapish. Thinking about seeing him again though kind of freaks me out. He's incredibly dynamic and awesome, but I just get filled up with a powerful sense of nervousness. Upon meeting him I was just like...wow. You exist? Really? He's a total international sexed-up libertine and I'm...not quite the seasoned sexual warrior I would like to be and certainly not close to where he's at. Due to my runaway parade of insecurities, I don't really pursue people unless I am wasted and usually then I'm not really making sense, so I only hook up with idiots and/or people I'm not really attracted to. Sure, there have been a handful of exceptions. But not really enough to turn the tide on the other trend.

Anyway. Whatever happens happens. Which I've always thought is one of the most obvious statements one can make. Oh if it happens...it happens? Redundancy! It obviously didn't bother me enough to prevent me from using it.

Notice the subtle transition from honest disclosure to linguistic analysis? I didn't.