i hate

1.) French bureaucracy
2.) Being overdrawn in my bank and having to ask my parents for help (it happens constantly, as I am a moron)
3.) My body and its many betrayals
4.) This nasty feeling that I am in a holding pattern while in France and that my life is not going to truly begin again until I return to the US.
5.) Walking by my students and hearing them start to giggle and gossip (positive or negative, I’m not sure) about me as soon as I walk past.
6.) The retro ‘Spanish Inquisition’ approach being taken at my school to the discovery of porn sites being viewed at school (even though their current filter system prevents me from checking my email, The Stranger and various innocent but important-to-me sites).
7.) Boredom
8.) Having expensive taste on a pauper’s budget
9.) Realizing that I will not be going ANYWHERE during the next vacation due to aforementioned pauper’s budget
10.) My involuntary celibacy
11.) The fact that almost no one emails me here
12.) Constantly feeling like an outsider on this continent because I am no longer terribly interested in passing for or trying to become European.
13.) Running out of dope and knowing that I’m not really going to be able to get more any time soon. Blech!
14.) My continuing inability to get over the big ‘unrequited love’ of last year
15.) The fact that I am not applying to grad school for next year because apparently to get things done I have to personally threaten people.
16.) How scared I am of this new and unpredictable future that awaits me next year - I mean, really, what the fuck do I think I am doing?
17.) My inability to just let things happen in my life
18.) Dubbed movies
19.) The fact that all Chinese food in France is terrible and will probably give you digestive problems for the following two days.
20.) Seattle. I fawking hate that place.
21.) Not being a milllionaire. SO annnoying.
22.) Realizing that self-hatred and vanity are so close together
23.) Paris - too many unhappy memories, too much stress, too much palatable sadness on everyone’s lips.
24.) The revisionist positivity that prevents me from easily listing things I hate because apparently this emotion is too ‘yucky’ for me to own or hold on to.
25.) When people say they hate hate. Seriously, fuck that.